For Anna

 The only birthday I ever celebrated in school, was my senior year. I too felt left out of the birthday party spiel. The first birthday I remember was when I was 4. It was a surprise party. It didn't go well. Standing behind the door crying and saying....."It's not my birthday!" That's only the one of two I remember while I was a child. 

This is more about the passing of time. The feeling I get deep inside my soul when I think about every minute taking me away from what I know to somewhere unknown. The loss of what is, never to get it back. I guess this is normal as you get older and you start wondering where life has gone. It changes so quickly. 

I don't think it is normal for a child in elementary school to feel sad to see the years change. When I was in the 2nd grade and we would go back to school after our Christmas break, writing the date on my paper left me feeling sad and anxious. How does that even cross the mind of a child? You should be looking forward to life and all the changes. To this day, I feel that same anxiety as the calendar moves on. 

Remember when I gave you a Memory Box for your birthday. I told you to fill it up. I doubt you still have that box. I was trying to tell you to hang on to as many memories you could. Time goes by so quickly and as you say, you can't get back there...it is already gone. 

I also think that we have such high expectations. We look forward to a special date or event. We plan, organize and create a perfect moment. We worry and anticipate as the date arrives. And the let down we feel when it's over. We realize it was just another small piece of time that we will never get back. That it wasn't as perfect as we wanted. Everyone satisfied but you. 

We are not so different, you and I. The difference...you have done and are doing all the things I can dream of but was held back by fear and anxiety. You know I am getting ready to turn 65 and there are so many things I wish I had done. I could blame it on so many things, but the bottom line is that I was just too fearful to try. 

You, my beautiful Anna Girl, you are living life on your terms. You have a free spirit with a huge heart. In spite of your anxiety, you fly. I love you more than you can imagine.